性行为的发展

人们常常会观察到，随着年岁的增长，老年夫妻开始显得彼此相似了。说他们相似不是意指他们的身体外貌相似，而是指他们的大体气质、他们对待彼此的方式和他们对所处环境做出的反应相似。从外表上看，他们的性别差异可能依然显而易见；不过，随着岁月的流逝，他们相互逐渐深化了彼此的适应关系，双方之间营造了一种特殊的默契，而且弱化了一些从前的那种过度显现的女性气质和男性气概的特征。当然，决不是所有的夫妻都是如此，而且这种特征性的改变对独居者几乎并不适用。尽管如此，这种观察结果再一次指向了早前我们所提及的一个事实：甚至于人生早期如此这般确立的性别角色，这种对所有后续的社会行为构成基础条件的性别角色，在成人期可能和常常会得以调整，并且这个调整的过程有非常充分的理由可以延续到老年期。一旦孩子长大了和离开了家，许多父母会重新调整他们的劳动分工。此外，还有一个额外的因素可能会对性别角色产生一定的影响，即从常规的劳动岗位退了休。这种为追求个人兴趣爱好而新获得的闲暇，可能就意味着女性会开始迎接新挑战，她们或自愿参与公益工作，或进入某类老年大学做学生。另一方面，老年男人可能更喜欢呆在家里下厨、清扫与整理房间和从事一些业余爱好活动。或者，老年夫妻可能会共同平等地从事一项全新的事业。即使到了老年期，性别角色仍可能以多种方式发生变化，并且这些变化也可以影响男/女的相互关系。的确，摒弃早期的行为模式和为自我改写传统的社会行为脚本的能力，至少在人的性的范围内，对于从成人期向老年期的成功过渡可能是至关重要的。例如：想要延续幸福的最大障碍也许就是要求男人总应该采取主动，以及在做爱期间男人“被动”是一种不得了的错误的认识。反过来，老年妇女可能担心，如果她们主导和主动发起各种性活动，会有失女性的文雅。如果没有了这样的禁忌，上了年纪的夫妻可能更容易获得性满足。

Stages of Development: Old Age

Gender Role

It has often been observed that old couples begin to resemble each other as the years and decades go by. This does not mean their physical appearance as much as their general bearing, their overall attitude, the way they react to each other and to their surroundings. Externally, their gender differences may be as obvious as ever, but their gradually deepening mutual adjustment has, over time, created a special balance between them and a softening of some formerly overly pronounced feminine and masculine traits. Of course, this is by no means true of all couples, and it hardly applies to those who live alone. Still, the observation again points to a truth mentioned earlier: Even the gender roles, so early established and so basic to all subsequent social behavior, can be and often are modified in adulthood and this process of modification may very well continue in old age. Many parents readjust their division of labor once their children have grown and left home. An additional factor may be the retirement from the regular work force. The new freedom to follow one’s interests can mean that the woman takes up new challenges in volunteer work or as a student at some college or university. The man, on the other hand, may prefer to stay home cooking, cleaning, and pursuing some hobby. Or the couple may embark on a whole new enterprise together as equals. Even in old age, gender roles can still change in many ways, and these changes may also affect female/male relationships. Indeed, the ability to abandon earlier behavior patterns and to rewrite traditional scripts for oneself may be crucial to a successful transition from adulthood to old age, at least in the sphere of human sexuality. For example: One of the greatest obstacles to continued happiness may be the demand that the male should always take the initiative, and that there is something wrong with a man’s “passivity” during lovemaking. Conversely, older women may fear to lose their femininity if they take the lead and initiate erotic variations. An aging couple is more likely to find satisfaction without such inhibitions.